- From the "Fun with MIL-H-83282" files:
- An un-named AMHAN and his "good buddy" un-named AMSAN were on night check
working on an A-3. They had finished their job and were now looking for
"entertainment" before going back into the shop to work off another gripe. The
had a hydraulic bowser with them, so one of them gets the idea to squirt the other with
the hydraulic fluid. After a couple of pumps on the handle he realizes that there isn't
enough pressure to hit his buddy with the fluid. So in a moment of inspiration they
decided to write their names on the A-3 taxiway, on the far north side of it, figuring no
one would see it. In 4 foot tall letters one of them writes:
- "HOWDEY HAIRY"
- After he finishes he hands the line to his buddy, who looks at what was just written and
decides that it might not be a good idea to write his name out on the line.
- They both go back to the shop, and think nothing more of it.
- The next day the airframes LPO is called into the MO's office to explain what had
happened that night.
- Lets just say that the two airmen were standing tall in front of the MO and not enjoying
- From the "cement for brains file or: Shoot the supervisor now and put
him out of his misery" file:
- An unnamed AEAR was told to go out take off one of the external generators (RAT's) from
one of the A3's (The ECM generators) and he was having trouble getting all of the screws
out so the Idiot went to the tool shed and got a hacksaw and started
cutting the mounting bracket off!! Needless to say the plane was down for a while the
Airframers fixed it, luckily enough, someone went out to check on him and he didn't do any
- From the "ooops" file:
- An unnamed AE3, was working on mod for one of the A7's and performed the mod
uneventfully (or so he thought) so AFTER they put the plane back together, and reinstalled
the engine, everything for the mod worked great, but unfortunately, something was wrong
with the AFCS after working on the problem 24 hrs a day for 10 nights in a row, a civilian
from Vought was called in, he arrived and figured out where the problem was, the mech's
had to pull the engine to get to that area. Come to find out the dumbass that
did mod ACCIDENTALLY drilled through a seemingly important wire bundle (the one that has
most of the AFCS wiring in it, go figure) well the civilian took 2 day to find the
problem, and they fixed it, so in just a shade under 2 weeks of 24 hour shifts it was
fixed......boy did his shipmates love him.
- I had to hide for a month, that is where the picture of me with the drill came up. I
know McCormick, Frazier, and Velasquez remember this one...
- From the "How to communicate and fail" file:
- Hard charger night check Airman on the line was told to "get the GD 220 dirty for a
wash job" by the Maintenance Control Chief.
- Our hard charger Airman was confused as GD 220 had just been washed the week before (and
he knew this as he was on the wash crew that washed it) and it was clean.
- The now confused hard charger Airman questioned the Chief "Dirty"?
- Replies the Chief: "Dirty".
- The Airman: "But Chief, it's clean right now".
- The Chief "What part of dirty don't you understand"?
- The Airman: "Aye aye Chief, Dirty you want, dirty you get".
- The hard charger Airman took his two sidekicks with him and proceeded to get GD 220
"dirty" in every literal sense of the word! Exhaust soot, grease, mud,
wash rack drain scum, anything to get GD 220 dirty for the wash job.
- Airman: "Night Chief". Chief: "Is GD 220 dirty for the
wash job tomorrow"?
- Airman: "Oh yes Chief, it's dirty all right".....
- BAM BAM BAM, Duty driver to the hard charger Airman: "Get up and get
dressed, Maintenance Masterchief want to see you NOW"!!
- Airman, his two sidekicks, their AE1 supervisor, their ADC Division Chief, and the
Maintenance Masterchief were eyeball to eyeball in the Maintenance Masterchiefs office.
- Masterchief: "What in the @*#&$&*# made you even think that he wanted
it SMEARED WITH all of that CRAP on my A-3"!?!
- Airman: "The AQC told me to get it dirty"........
- Masterchief: "That's right, he told you to DIRTY UP THE AIRPLANE for the wash
- Airman: "No, he told me to get GD 220 dirty for a wash job".
- Masterchief: "HE WHAT? Are you sure he used those exact terms"?
- Airman and his two sidkicks: "Those were his exact words Masterchief.
If he had told us to dirty up the A-3 for a wash job, then we would have understood what
he wanted us to do. We have never heard of it being called getting the airplane
dirty for a wash job. Besides, the A-3 was clean since it had been washed...
- Masterchief (red in the face and ready to explode): "Get out of my office and
don't let me see your asses for at least a week"!!!
- 20 minutes later in the line division office:
- AE1 Supervisor: You dumb ignorant #*#&@# Airman, WHY in the *#&#@
did you do that. You know that AQ Maintenance Chief didn't know anything about A-3
line ops, you are supposed to be smarter than that!!! Don't worry, after you left
the office the Masterchief broke out laughing so hard that he was crying! The AMO
and the XO thought it was pretty funny too."
- Airman: "So what happens now"?
- AE1 Supervisor: "You three knuckle-heads get to do all of the wash jobs for
the next month with AQC as your supervisor".
- From the "no shit" file:
- An AMSAN who had just gotten off of restriction a couple days earlier (guess what
for...) was at Squadron Quarters to get frocked to Third Class. During the awards
ceremony he passed out from a late night of "partying" and landed face first
into the pavement, breaking his jawbone. He was later booted from the Navy for
"popping positive". Again.
- From the "duhh" file:
- An EA-7L crew was returning from a chaffing and jamming mission in the San Diego area,
and after leaving the warning area were supposed to have shut off the chaff pod. For
"some" reason, the chaff pod was not shut off, and it continued to stream chaff
all the way into the approach to Miramar. It's been said that the chaff knocked out
the approach radar at Lindberg field, and that some good "soft shoe" tap dancing
- From the "no shit" file:
- An AMH1 and an AMS2 of nightcheck det Puerto Rico Airframes were sitting out on the
second deck balcony of Boruquin barracks naked as jaybirds and drunker than skunks
conversing with one of the local maids about the quality of their services. It was
later heard that the AMH1 had sunburn on a certain body part and had trouble walking for
the next couple of days.
- AMHC Richard "Doctor" Dukes as a First Class explaining to the Commanding
Officer why the enlisted people always seemed to get in trouble when on DET to NAS
Roosevelt Roads, PR:
- "Well Sir, perhaps it has something to do with putting 70 people in open bay
barracks with no transportation, having $75.00 Per-Diem for 14 days, and having the
package store less than 2 minutes away selling RonRico Barcardi for a $1.90 a
- AMS1 Brian Moses as a Second Class telling ADC Johnny Barnes:
- "I have NO A-3 experience, and if I did it's not in my service record or training
jacket and you can't prove it..."
- AMS2 Dave Lange as an Airman after riding his motorcycle through 25 feet of CALTRANS
cyclone fence at the Clairmont Mesa / Hwy 163 offramp: "Now THAT was
- From the "CYA" file:
- "Unknown" to a very nice NIS investigator: "I dunno what he had in
that A-7! All I know is that he blew one tire and a brake on landing, and we had to
go change our planed cross country to rescue him from XXXXXXX, and I had to get
dirty from changing them, and then our A-3 wouldn't start, and by the time I was done
messing with the fuel controls maintenance and operations had called and told us our cross
country to New York was cancelled, and I didn't even get a letter of appreciation OR the
rest of my weekend off. Besides, where would he hide a dead frozen dog in an A-7